Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
fullmetalfisting: one time in high school i didnt read the assigned book and i was like fuck it imma write this essay anyway and i had no idea what the book was even about or who the characters were so i just spewed out some shit about archetypes and the teacher came up to me after class and told me i was the only student who truly understood the book
ifyouhadwings: teamniceboyfriends: IF YOU DON’T SHIP MY OTP I SWEAR TO GOD i’ll be okay with that YOU DON’T LIKE MY FAVORITE THING, I’M GONNA respect the fact that you have your own taste
School: We don't allow bullying if you bully we will fuck you up
Student: I got bullied.
School: The fuck do you want us to do about it?
drunkonfame: australiansanta: hepatitisbey: Do the Irish and Australians really swear as much as the stereotype suggests? what the fuck does the stereotype suggest u prick listen the fuck here u lil shit
do you ever just wanna kinda pack up and leave out of the blue without saying anything to anyone like just leave and start a new life thousands of miles away because i think i would love to do that wow
not feelin this “school” thing tomorrow
absconds: absconds: if u have a crush on me please stand up
geometricdeathtrap: metallikato: generallegendary: metallikato: jewelstaites: how to give a good handjob bop it pull it twist it harder better faster stronger You pull your left hand in You pull your left hand out You pull your left hand in And you shake it all about! Cha cha real smooth none of you ever touch a penis
fuchsiatyrant: fatkidinmath: kazoothekid: earljrsmith: Google only has about .04 of the entire internet indexed. Let that sink in What. What the fuck. WHERE IS THE REST OF THE INTERNET. NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS OMG google it
whoatakeiteasyman: If you’re my only friend in a class and you choose someone else when the teacher says to pick partners thats it, game over pal, you’re dead to me
simplymykayla: cnnbreakingofficial: if tumblr was bought out for $1.1B and there are 60 million blogs that means each blog is worth $18.3 my blog is worth more than i am
gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
yugoslavic: i had no idea this site cost 1.1 billion i bet its because of my blog
Teacher: Name one life-changing event
Me: Finding out about alt+reblog
rneerkat: whens chip skylarks next tour
sandousy: If you ever feel stupid just remember that some people think jesus was white
bootipop: Cheer up, you’re never alone! There is probably at least 1 bug in your room
goldenfreezeover: somethingambiguous: tltty: when I’m old, kids will think I’m so ancient because it’s like ‘Holy shit you were born in the nineteen hundreds’ We’ll be the last humans to be born in a year beginning with “1”
maleteen: if anyone ever breaks your heart just remember they are only human and you can break their body
vivalaausten: greydelisle: The kid behind me at Starbucks got way too excited about the last pumpkin muffin….so I ordered it.
himchanspenus: Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.